Happier More Often Blog

The Power of Thought and Feeling

Fri, 26 Mar 2010 16:28:24 -0400

Stuart Hickox wrote a wonderful column in Maclean’s Magazine on August 4, 2003 (I love to save old newspaper and magazine to share with you). His column was on meditation.

His conclusion was: “Kneeling there on the floor, physically tortured by the whims of my mind, I realized that happiness is found in breaking the link between thought and feeling. My misery was all in my head. Suddenly I felt like I was bathed in light. My body surged and vibrated, and the pain vanished. It all seemed so simple.”

Easier said than done, of course but that is what meditation is there to teach us. When we think certain thoughts, we create related feelings. When we feel a back pain and think about it, “My back hurts” this usually follows with feelings of frustration, anger, worry or unhappiness.

If, however, at the moment your recognized that your back hurt you were also in the middle of a game with your young child on the living room floor or cuddling your love on the couch or watching Sidney Crosby scoring the winning goal in the Winter Olympics last month, then your feelings would be something quite different. You would likely ignore your feelings of pain and be thinking about the joys you were experiencing at the same time.

Mediation allows you to do that without having to have a child, loved one or hockey game going on at the same time. It allows you recognize the feeling (pain), the thought (it hurts) without having to connect it to a feeling (anger, frustration, worry or unhappiness). Try it the next time you have an ache or pain to see if it works. It takes practice (what doesn’t) but is worth the effort!

“You Should be Happy”

Mon, 22 Mar 2010 16:23:38 -0400

Nothing ticks people off more than being told how “to be.” “You should be happy” is one of those phrases.

How often have parents said to their teenagers, “These are the best years of your life. You should be happy.” If you remember your teenage years, you will remember all the worries, the peer pressure, the exams filled with information you didn’t find the least bit interesting, the money worries, the ‘how do I look?’ worries, etc. etc. etc. If these are their happiest years, then what is there to look forward to?

We learn by stories and by example. Rather than tell people they should be happy, you really only need to be happier more often yourself. Those who want to learn from you will ask. Those who want to copy you, will. Those who are not ready, for whatever reasons, can still benefit from your presence and your general happiness and contentment.

As a newspaper editor once told me, “Don’t tell people what you are writing about, show them.” In other words, use stories and real life examples and let people draw their own conclusions.

That’s hard for someone like me who loves to teach. But he was right.

The Power of Our Words

Tue, 16 Mar 2010 16:06:24 -0400

Our words are immensely powerful - not just to others, but also to ourselves. The shortest sentences can define us. My mother would sometimes tell someone, “My daughter died when she was just 2.” That’s a powerful sentence that defined a major ongoing influence in my mother’s life. It also allowed her to be empathetic to many people experiencing difficult moments.

My father had a similar sentence, “I fought the war in Indonesia for 2 years.” Having been a teenager during World War II, my father was drafted a few years later to go to Indonesia and fight in the independence war -- The Netherlands lost. My father had great empathy for American and Canadian soldiers who fought in the losing war in Vietnam. There were no parades upon their return. No thank you speeches from the politicians who sent them there in the first place.

What does this have to do with being happier more often? It has to do with an equally short and powerful sentence that you can add to your life story, “I’m a pretty happy person.” It does not say you are happy all the time. It does not say you are ecstatic with happiness. It does not say that you are the happiest you have ever been. It just says that you are pretty happy. That’s a good defining sentence for you and it will rub off on other people around you so that they may become (if they are not already) pretty happy too.

Your Smile is Contagious - Really!

Mon, 8 Mar 2010 15:55:26 -0500

According to a Harvard University study reported on Dec 5, 2008 in The Toronto Star, having a happy friend increases your probability of contentment by some 15%. More impressive, your happiness can increase your friend’s friend’s friend’s happiness by about 6%. Surround yourself with happier people and your increased happiness can affect people you have never even met. Now that’s fun!

The study looked at 5,000 people over 2 decades (part of the ongoing Farmingham Heart Study started in 1948) and the emotional states relevant to cardiovascular health. The study included economic well-being, social status and education into account. Dr. Nicholas Christakis is a professor of medical sociology at Harvard and led the study. HE wrote: “What’s interesting is that emotions spread from person to person to person to person” which makes sense. But he concluded that happiness spreds most vigorously -- like an ‘emotional stampede.’

Now you don’t really need studies to prove what you know instinctively. There are people you know who literally light up a room just by entering with a smile. Their happiness, contentment or peacefulness impact everyone in that room to varying degrees, including you. When you then meet other people, however you were impacted will affect those you meet. That’s a powerful incentive to be happier more often. Enjoy!

Happiest City in Canada

Sun, 14 Feb 2010 00:00:00 -0500

Where are people most happy in Canada? According to a Sun Media 5-day series last March 30th, that place is Saint John, New Brunswick where life satisfaction was highest and feeling connected with one’s community was the key factor. Their conclusion was based on a 2007 study by University of British Columbia. The citizens of Saint John rated their life satisfaction at 8.6 out of 10 making it the highest in Canada and one of the highest in the world.

Denmark is described as the happiest country with 8.2 life satisfaction while Canada averages a very happy 7.6.

The key that that satisfaction and happiness was not wealth but a sense of community involvement and trust in neighbours. It may not be surprising that 4 of the other 10 happiest cities in Canada are: Charlottetown, PEI; Moncton, New Brunswick; Halifax, Nova Scotia; and St. John’s, Newfoundland.

The other five? Quebec City; Kitchener, Ontario; Saskatoon, Regina and Winnipeg!

Perhaps city planners will start designing new neighbourhoods that concentrate on encouraging neighbour involvement and common spaces for them to meet and get connected with each other. A big city mall just can’t do that.

For you, consider introducing yourself to a neighbour you haven’t met before while also making an extra effort to chat with neighbours you already know. Create a neighbourhood party in the winter and a summer clean up of the nearest park to get people excited about where they live.